The Enigma File

When I think wishfully about what I'd like to be, on those days where I'd like to be Audrey Hepburn or a famous writer or French or live in a lighthouse, I like to think of myself as an enigma too. Unfortunately nothing could be further from the truth in many ways. I'm a people pleaser, I like people to like me, but I try to be honest with a hefty dose of kindness. I don't take criticism very well - actually that's not true, I take it very well, straight to my heart and keep it there as a tormenting hot water bottle. I always have a sarcastic quip or a funny comment.

However, I'm an enigma about rules. I work best within them, I'm not a natural rule breaker, in fact I'm a bit of a scaredy cat. However, occasionally I just want to break them. Which is what I'm doing. I set my own rules about the blog, I'd post on certain days and about certain things and then this weekend I thought stuff that for a game of soldiers, I don't want to do that anymore.

So I won't.

Instead it's going to be like a little surprise every time you get here. You won't know if it's going to be misery or fun, celebrating or moaning, interesting or dull. I expect you're quite often disappointed anyway, especially about the interesting.

The one constant thing I will try to do is let you know which blogs I'm really enjoying. There are some truly fantastic ones out there and none of us have a hope of keeping track of all of them and I'd like to think we can share the love a bit, like in the old days. Do you hear that my lovely Lola? Just like the old days.

I do have one serious thing to say though. I'm so touched by all your lovely message of support and kindness on my post about my multiple sclerosis. It makes me incredibly proud that people have stopped to leave a comment who have never been here before, and overwhelmed too that my new "blogfriends" have taken time out to stop by. I hope you'll continue to read, and to laugh and cry along with me.

For now though, I'm off to be a French Audrey Hepburn and go and get some writing done in my lighthouse.

This Week I've Loved...

... not really a great deal. I've felt out of sorts, a bit fed up, and down in equal measure and consequently the blogging's been all over the shop. I've not gone round and read all your lovely posts as I normally would, I couldn't get the stupid new phone to work properly, the laptop's had a bit of a wibble and I think my knees have entered old age with me tottering along behind at an ever increasing rate.

I'm meant to be on a diet, but I'm so hungry I could eat my own feet. I went out for a drink on Friday and was ridiculously drunk at such an early point in the evening it was like being 15 again. The house is still on the market and I'm thinking of selling raffle tickets to prospective viewers.

I know this mood will go soon, and I'll be the happy, snappy, clappy woman you all love, and I promise I'll be back on Tuesday with a proper blog but until then have a look at these people:-

This week I've loved blogs:- sometimes you know where you are with a blog. There will be blogs about children, about current events, crafts or photography. And some blogs are so delightfully random that you rock up on two consecutive days to find serious discussions about censorship and humourous ones about bed-wetting. It's one of the things which takes me back over and over again to see Heather in Lapland, and I really think you should pay her a visit. Especially now, as she's about to become very famous, and you can say that you knew her way back when if you go now.

I've also come across a blog this week which is new to me, and I can honestly say it contains one of the most movingly written posts I've ever read. I'm not going to make any other comment because I wouldn't be able to do it justice, but I think it would be lovely if you could go and put your arms round Brighton Mum.

It's over to you now my lovely people, come along and make me smile. What have you loved this week?

When Community Goes Bad

I've blogged for quite some time now, on and off, but as far as I'm concerned it's an enjoyable pursuit, I write because I like to do it and I also think that I'm quite good at it. I like being part of the mummy blogging community because I feel as though I can have a chat with people on issues which are relevant to us as a group and get to see other people's views on subjects which I find interesting. I enjoy being on Twitter because you can join in a random chat, sit back, relax and have a bit of a laugh. But this week has made me realise that it isn't always a great place to be.

I'm not really in what I'd describe as the inner circle of mummy bloggers. I'm not really in the outer circle either. In fact, if you were looking at the inner circle and the outer circle, and then zoomed out, I'd be trying to get a bus from the next town to the circles. This means that more often than not, I don't understand the in-jokes, I don't understand who's friends with who and I certainly don't understand who hates who, who wishes the other one would get run over by a car and who thinks the other one's blogs/pictures/babies are the most disgusting thing she's ever seen.

This week, there's been the swift start and hasty demise of a new blog, written anonymously, which, if I'm honest, was just sniping for the sake of it, and nasty with it. This appears to have been accompanied by a proper old handbag slinging on Twitter and probably a load of other places on the internet I've never even heard of. There were accusations and counter accusations and threats of legal action.

And I'm sort of left thinking - well that's not very nice is it? I'm going to be really honest now - I wish sometimes I was on the inner circle of mummy bloggers - it's like when I was back at school and I wanted to knock round with the cool girls, but that never happened either. While I might want to join in their gang, I look at what they have to do, how much work they each individually put in to their blogs and businesses, and how talented they are, and I think fair play to them. I look enviously at the amount of comments and visits some people get on their blog and wish that my blog was so well read and well thought of, and then I look at how much promotion they do for it, and again I think they get out of it what they put in. I work full time, I don't get back home till after 6, I can't blog during the day and in the evening I have to try and fit in minor things like eating and chores and sleeping. So I have to settle for what I can get.

The things that really bother me though are the vitriol and downright unpleasantness that goes back and forth. Anonymity is a great thing to hide behind, and which of us hasn't spouted off at the Virgin Media Customer Service Team on a website in a manner which doesn't befit a lady? (Or is that just me?) Would these people be so brave face to face if they worked in an office and then had to carry on working with these people? Would they even be so brave if they used their real names? Anonymity has its place, of course it does, but it isn't just a convenient shield for when you want to be rude to someone.

This week I think the community has shown its claws, and sadly I think it won't show us in a good light. As a mum, I have to ask...

Would you let your children behave like that?

This Week I've Loved...

...coming back to writing. I've written on and off for a few years now, probably more off than on, but it's good to be back. I'm starting to make the time to read blogs again, and just can't believe how many new ones have sprung up while I've been away! I'm going to really have to find some balance between reading and writing though - if I don't find the time to blog, then I'm just some crazy stalker who goes round reading other people's stuff, and there's probably already too many of those on the internet.

I'm intending to make a weekly feature of things I've particularly enjoyed and I intend devoting a special little part for blogs or blog posts that I've taken to so please feel free to leave me a comment and I'll be more than delighted to come and add someone else to my reader. 

I mean, what else have I got to do? OK, I'm a mum to a 12 year old, so there's that. And partner to my lovely other half, got to find time for him. Then there's a full time job, that pays the bills so that's got to fit in. Then there's the housework, the hobbies, the friends and the social life.

Apart from those though, I'm all yours.