Friday, 29 October 2010

Always Prepared

Yes, if anyone wants to point out this particular fact, I know it's not Thursday. I know I said I'd always do a post on Thursday. I know it's Friday today.


Anyway, I was thinking about me and the other half. We've been together about two and a half years now - I say about because I'm not really sure about when we started seeing each other - we don't have a first date anniversary or anything. Remind me to tell you that story another time. It's a gem.We each have our own house, and we live between the two of them - remind me to tell you about that as well, that's funnier than the first one. I think we're your fairly average, normal, everyday sort of couple - we both work full time, are quite amicable and we mingle very well with society.

We're both so normal that we have a celebrity back up plan. It's such a simple plan, I'm sure you all have one too. The idea of a celebrity back up plan is that you have one, absolutely no more than one, celebrity nominated. Then, if that celebrity ever chances upon you, you are allowed to ditch your partner and take up with the, either permanently, or on a more, how shall I say this, temporary one night basis. No questions asked by your current partner, no need for excuses, no opportunity for recriminations. They are your celebrity back up, and that is your right.

We've gone over this in some detail, but it appears that some particular items still need clarification. Like for instance this evening. Follow this conversation if you will:-

OH: Are you going to watch "While You Were Sleeping"?
Me: I might do, I like that film. (And I do, it's a bit of a guilty pleasure)
OH: It's got my girlfriend in it. Sandra Bullock.
Me: It hasn't, you swapped her.
OH: I did not! I would never swap Sandra!

The thing to note here is that, as I said before, you're only allowed one celebrity. If, however, you wish to change your mind, if you see someone nicer, or for more strategic reasons such as they've just got divorced and your chances are increased, then you may exchange. Not add.

Me: You did swap her. Don't you remember?
OH: Did I really swap her? Who did I swap her for?
Me: Rachel Weisz. (I think it was always difficult for him to choose)
OH: Oh I remember now! She's lovely! Who's yours again?
Me: David Tennant. (I keep track of mine, you need to keep up to date with the important stuff)
OH: David Tennant?!! What happened to David Beckham?!!
Me: I traded him in (on account of his tattoos)
OH: Who for?
Me: Ewan McGregor (on account of his accent)
OH: And what happened to him?!!
Me: I traded him in for David Tennant (on account of Dr Who, and all round scrumptiousness)

So you see how it works now. It's really a very straightforward premise.

And we're a very normal couple, who are prepared, if the need arises, to ditch one another at the drop of a hat, and go off with barely a glance behind us.

But at least we're prepared.

But what I want to know is - who would your celebrity back up be?


  1. O love it - it's like the 'lamenated list'! My first thought was Mr. Depp (better get in there first, he's bound to be popular) - but he wouldn't would he?, being happily married to Ms. Paradise and all...Or in this world do our celebrities instantly find us so overwhelming attractive that they ditch their partners on sight? Johnny it is then.

  2. Right, I've got you confirmed, you've got first dibbs on Johnny. OH was gutted when Sandra Bullock split up from her husband as he'd just swapped her for Rachel Weisz. Thought he might have missed a very realistic chance...

  3. Get your filthy hands of David Tennant! He's mine!

  4. Oh I don't know ... Colin Firth???.

  5. Heather, if I could get a flight out, I'd fight you for him.

    Hi Susanna - Colin Firth? Really?