What I've Loved This Week....

... is planning. The plan for moving 2 houses into space currently occupied by 1 quite average sized one is continuing apace. Cupboards have been emptied, the contents have been packed into boxes and transported. The boxes have then been unpacked, moved around, reviewed and left in piles. Some of them have been put in alphabetical order.

A bizarre game of musical cupboards has taken place. The contents danced round until the music stopped and each time one of them was left out. Some cups and saucers lost and are sitting on the dining table.

Most importantly of all, the kitchen drawer has been emptied.

Don't pretend you don't know what I mean. We all have one. It's the drawer where you put things until you need them or until you find their matching bit or when you're tidying away in a hurry. In there, I have found the following:-

• one umbrella cover (umbrella lost approx 6 years ago)
• one eighth birthday candle (son now 12)
• several allen keys (flatpack furniture still holding, mainly)
• one mobile phone charger (phone no longer used)
• one bottle of Tippex
• one tube of glue
• approx 23 loose batteries
• one bank card (approx 6 years out of date)
• several store cards (some of the shops now under adminstration)
• one as yet unidentified object (appears to be something technical, like a bolt thing, with a washer on it. Clearly important and being kept until it's true potential is realised)

I'll be honest, unless the other half was moving in, this drawer and it's entertainment value would have been undiscovered for some time yet. You see, I knew there was an upside!

I'm kidding of course. I can't wait until he's all moved in.

And I'd have done the drawer when I needed a battery for the remote.

But go on, you can tell me. What's in your kitchen drawer? I promise, it's just between you and me.

All Change

I've spoken before about the fact my house is on the market. Other half's has been on the market too but after a thorough review of our going forward strategy (ie 3 bits of scruffy paper with barely distinguishable numbers on), we decided we'd advertise to rent his house out. Up on the lettings market it goes, one couple come to look round last week, and another family on Monday. Nothing heard from the first couple, the family like the kitchen, love the bathroom, happy with the rental asking price and can they move in on the 1st December?

Well then. Right. OK.

This is going to require a feat of logistical genius so enormous and so daring, you would weep with the planning. Not to mention the fact that at least one half of this intrepid couple gets stressy when she can't immediately remember where an earring is. So what we've got to do is merge the 2 households into one household. Right Mr or Mrs Maths Genius, how many times does 2 into 1 go? Yep, that's right.

Examples of conversations this week:-

"Well you can't bring that crap"

"You're going to have to get rid of some of this shit"

"If you can't make 2 small shelves work for you, that's not my problem."

"Will they have to go in alphabetical order?"

"What do you mean your iron's better than mine?"

"I'm just going to dump it."

"Where are we going to put it? No really, where exactly? It won't fit. It won't. Not with the bed. Unless you open the door and climb STRAIGHT ON THE BED."

As you can see, it's a work in progress. I can't think of 2 people who'll handle it better.

And at least you're guaranteed a comedy blog for the next couple of weeks.

Tomorrow’s World, Today

I consider myself to be quite a modern woman. Despite my hankering for a time gone by, I work full time. I have a computer at work, I also have a laptop at home which is mine. I have a mobile phone. I write a blog. I use Facebook sometimes and Twitter much more.

I’m reasonably well educated. Although I left school with only 2 O Levels, (there’s another story – remind me to tell you this one. I hope you’re keeping a note – this happens a lot), I subsequently went to college and achieved another 5 O Levels (or whatever they were called then) and 2 A levels as well. I decided then I was done with education for the time being but I’m now the proud holder of a 2:1 in English Literature from the Open University, and I’m even more proud the letters BA (Hons) can legitimately follow my name.

Some technology has me baffled though. A prime example is last weekend’s shopping trip to buy a new phone for the house. For some reason known only to the initiated, mine has decided to terminate all calls after about 10 minutes. At this point, the handset dies. I know it’s something to do with the battery, I do. It’s always charging up so it’s not like I leave it languishing about. Actually, I do, but not all the time, most of the time it’s on the unit. Anyway we decided we’d go out and buy a new phone, arrived at the shop, and stood aghast at the wide range of phones before us. We decided to adopt a sort of boardgame tactic, very much like Guess Who? We wanted it to be black – that rules out this chrome bunch here and a white one. I wanted one with normal sized buttons, not the ginormous buttoned one the other half had his eye on.

Then it came to the multiple handset ones, and this is how the conversation went…

Me:   How does it work when you've got more than 1 handset?
OH:   I think you just stick them in whatever room you want to.
Me:   And what then? I don't think we can have them. I haven't got a phone socket in the other rooms.
OH:   Don't need them.
Me:   You don't need them? How do they work then?
OH:  You just put them in the room. And they sort of work.
Me:   They just work? How does that happen? Do you need to plug them in somewhere?
OH:   Don't think so.
Me:   Is there a battery bit? Do they run off batteries?

                  I tipped it upside down. There's no battery bit.

Me:   There's no battery bit.
OH:   Well you probably just have to plug them into the socket to charge. Then they ring.
Me:   They ring just because you've plugged them in? That can't be right! The kettle doesn't ring...

It carried on like this for sometime despite the intervention of a sales assistant who even now is probably crying on the shoulder of her psychotherapist. Until I saw the magic word:-

Me:   Oh look! It says they're digital! That's why it works!
OH:   So does that mean you understand it now?
Me:    Not really. But if it says digital, I can say it's that.

But do you know what would have helped even more than seeing the magical "digital" word?

Taking my 12 year old to the shop with us. God help us when we have to do something by ourselves.

Manners Maketh Man

At least I think they do, and it's my blog, so if you're coming at this from a different angle you're going to have to wait till the comments at the bottom. Don't go down there now, I haven't finished yet, I've barely started, come back and listen. Right then.

One of the things I love about my other half is not just his fabulous Kate Winslet impression (another story, another time), but his manners. He's one of the most courteous men you could ever wish to meet. He'll hold a door open for you, of course, but he'll also lean very slightly in front of you to push the door open for you as well. He'll always let you go first, and if at all possible he'll walk on the outside of the pavement. He'll carry shopping bags with barely a murmur, he'll pay when we go out for a meal unless I really, really fight, and he'll probably give away his last Rolo (actually I'm not too sure about the Rolo, he does love his chocolate, but you get my gist).

I think a lot of it might have to do with golf. He loves his golf, does my other half. Loves playing, loves watching. Probably dreams about it. I don't really understand golf, I don't play, but I try very hard to learn. At a push I could probably tell you the difference between a Texas Scramble and a greensome (if that's the right word) but I'd have to spend a long time thinking about it and probably need clues. But I'll never get the etiquette behind it. I don't really get why women have only recently been allowed in some clubhouses, and not at all in others, I don't understand why you can't wear jeans in there either, and I really can't get to grips with the need for pink trousers. The other half though talks about the etiquette behind golf, the manners, and the integrity and would never trust a man who cheated at golf. I think this sort of background has stood him in good stead, but is he in fact a bit of an anachronism?

On the bus the other day, the other half had stopped in the aisle to let a young woman get up and go in front of him to get off. As we both got off together, I mentioned to him how the girl must think he was a real sweetheart, and how kind he was. But he remarked that she probably thought he was just some old tosser who was holding up everyone else on the bus. I've tried to bring up my son with good manners, and hope that's still a useful attribute to have. He'll say please and thank you with the best of them, although he's not quite cracked the whole holding the door open business yet. He's also not quite got wat to say when someone thanks him for doing something. When you catch him on a good day, he'll do something wonderful, and you'll thank him, and he'll give you the most gorgeous smile and instead of saying "It's my pleasure" or "You're welcome" he'll say "Your pleasure".

And do you know what? He's absolutely right.